nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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