Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am one with the molecules
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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