that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
