i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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