what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
