God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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