YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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