You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
