Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
