I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
