literally had 100 drinks last night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
