my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
