i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
