dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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