I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
