everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
