Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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