I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
