It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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