if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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