Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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