Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
