Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
