to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
