gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
