I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
