I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
