does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
