is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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