Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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