WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is the high leading the old right now
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
