fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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