I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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