you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
