he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
