Moan for me like Helen Keller
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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