Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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