; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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