Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
