This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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