Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need a beard to bite.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
