How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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