Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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