I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
