Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
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The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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