Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
