my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
