totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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