I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
