why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
