it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
