why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
