on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
