I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Never underestimate the power of titties
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
