she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
