either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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