Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She made me pour olive oil on her.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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