so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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