Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
