I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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