I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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