Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
