she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
