apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
