hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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