We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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