I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize