I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
